Goodbye, My University
I remember when I first arrived in Hangzhou, seeing this beautiful city full of trees and grass, I seemed to have expressed it once…
This place that took up four years of my life, the first place where I truly felt freedom, seeing it for the last time is not enough…
Of course, I don’t have any impressive experiences worth writing about, just the ordinary life that passed by, simply expressing my emotions.
A few days ago, I took the English six-level exam, and today I finally finished this thing that has troubled me for 3.5 years.
I think, my university days, in my life, have really come to an end.
I remember one night, dreaming of countless mosquitoes biting me so intensely that I thought, what is this annoying dream, it’s even worse than an itch.
Then I found myself standing in a graveyard…
Although I told myself not to be afraid, it’s just a dream, just feel it, taste it.
Well, I got scared, and then I wanted to run, but where should I run to?
Hmm, my parents were right next door, so I should run to them.
Parents, home, have always been the harbor where we seek refuge after being hurt.
Unfortunately, then I woke up, realizing that I was alone in a rented house, with a stranger living next door who I had never seen before.
I really left, I grew up.
I remember a saying:
Independence means greater social responsibility, freedom means more tolerance, liberation means more self-management, growing up means more sacrifices.
It reminds me of Peter’s uncle’s quote, “With great ability comes great responsibility.”
Although I have always yearned for independence and freedom, when I really arrived here, in a certain moment, I felt a “light sadness” as described by the old master.
Let’s get to the point.
My university was quite interesting.
When I entered the school, it was a second-tier school that I used to look down upon in high school.
After being serious for the first half of the first year, nothing changed.
In the second year, I started skipping classes, and my major became a first-tier program.
By the third year, I stopped going to classes altogether, and the whole school became a first-tier institution.
English Six-Level Exam
In fact, it doesn’t matter whether I passed or not.
And after graduation, personally, I feel that certificates are just superficial.
But it’s a comforting thought for my parents (I thought my dad giving me money last time was the last time, but it seems I can extort some money from them again O(∩_∩)O).
And it can also be considered as a period ending for my university life.
Of course…
If they knew…
I remember J.K. Rowling’s speech at the Harvard University commencement:
I cannot remember telling my parents that I was studying Classics; they might well have found out for the first time on graduation day.
In university, I was late, left early, skipped classes, cheated, failed exams, retook classes, confessed my love, experienced heartbreak, and so on…
Upon careful reflection, except for not receiving scholarships and financial aid and not getting into fights, I basically experienced everything.
Of course, cheating has always been something I despised and found disgusting. I firmly stick to the principle of trying to pass with a 60.
The most interesting thing is that I also put into practice Sun Tzu’s “Winning without fighting is the highest form of excellence” and “Subduing the enemy’s army without battle.”
So I really don’t know about getting into fights, the principle is “If someone doesn’t bother me, I won’t bother them; if someone bothers me, it depends on the situation.”
Some things that seemed impossible in my third year gradually became achievable in the final period of time.
There are also regrets: my reputation isn’t recognized, and finding a job and future development become difficult without a stepping stone; my strategic planning is not perfect due to limited horizons, and so on.
Oh, right, there’s one thing I should accomplish:
Auditing classes at the University of Science and Technology of China.
Although my school (omitted), it has a unique geographical advantage.
There are two medical colleges and two large shopping malls nearby.
It is very convenient for medical treatment, shopping, and strolling around.
So every gathering, others come to my place.
The most important thing is that it’s not far from the University of Science and Technology of China.
It’s a pity that I didn’t take advantage of it, or maybe I never thought about it before.
I’ve always felt good about myself.
At the same time, I seem to have a deep inferiority complex.
I remember at the beginning, I didn’t even dare to enter the gates of other schools.
I would lower my head and hurriedly pass by when I walked by.
By the time I was in my fourth year, working for a meager salary, I had to face this fact.
I went to various job fairs at the University of Science and Technology of China every day, enduring all kinds of hardships and dilemmas.
But I suddenly realized that, actually, most people are similar (ordinary people), they are either rejected or cut off from their horses just like me.
But the real difference lies in those who are outstanding. In my eyes, the companies that are like gods get job offers easily and have no regrets in turning down offers.
There’s a saying that individual strength has nothing to do with the community.
And within the community, the average IQ tends to decline.
…
Thinking about the future, when I really have to leave and never spend more than a week at home again.
I’ve decided not to look for internships anymore and quietly accompany my parents for a period of time.
In the last two months, they will make me roll out every day (I’m heartbroken).
Dad and Mom say that I stay at home every day, not going out and not even doing housework, not doing anything, just playing games and lying in bed.
Actually, during that time, I felt like I knew more than in the previous three years.
The most important thing is the growth of my mind.
I’m very happy that as my university life is nearing its end, I discovered this wonderful world.
It’s a pity that it passed by in the blink of an eye. Now I don’t have the time to calm myself down and spend a long period of time reading.
Finally, I went back to Hefei, there was nothing else, just to defend my thesis.
We had one last gathering before I said goodbye to Hefei.
Looking back now, it was quite touching.
I wasn’t alone when I left.
If
I know “if” is useless. Books about the mind repeatedly emphasize this, it’s purely a waste of time, instead, focus on the present.
Li Zongren said, if people didn’t live from the age of one to eighty, but lived from eighty to one, two-thirds of people would become great.
Just like in “Men’s Gang,” if time could be turned back, the ending would be different.
So, although I don’t have big regrets,
But if I could go back to my previous university days, I would compress time and bring it forward by half a year.
After all, the higher the grade, the tighter the time.
When just entering university and suddenly being liberated, going crazy is necessary.
I spent a year playing Warcraft matches uncontrollably. In fact, I should have compressed it to half a year and played it crazily in the first semester.
Then in the second semester, I would have started learning programming, which is more interesting than Warcraft.
In the second year, I would have completed C programming, and in the second semester, I would have studied data structures.
In the third year, I would find a place to live and move out of the school. Finish with algorithms in the first semester and go on an internship in the second semester.
In the two months before the fourth year, attend various job fairs.
Afterward, spend all the time with my parents.
During the break, travel around, have fun, and do enjoyable things. Get a driver’s license.
As for finances, I can borrow from my parents (note: “borrow”).
Of course, there’s another possibility. If the person back then was the person I am now, everything would be completely different today…
A person’s cognition is always limited to the present, and when looking back after a few years, one can’t help but feel how naive and lacking in thought they were back then.
Of course, still of course, there are no “ifs”…
In economics, there’s a theory called path dependence, which says that once people make a certain choice, it’s like walking down a road of no return. The force of inertia will continuously reinforce this choice and make it difficult for you to leave easily.
No matter how the initial choice was made, it was my own decision, and I have to take responsibility for myself.
After graduating, I suddenly felt that the possibilities had greatly diminished. After all, some things have become established facts and can’t be redone.
Later, while watching “Soldier Assault,” I saw that old A said,
22? You look 70 to me!… If I were you, I would definitely join. You know why? Because I’m only 30. It’s such a fun thing, and I haven’t had enough yet.
Yes, I’m only 22, 22 is such a good age for acting silly and foolish.
So, don’t work, be hated, love someone.
Hopefully, after a few years, when I look back again,
It’s not “every unsatisfactory present has a past of not working hard enough”
But “the dreams built little by little, the future you will be grateful to the present self who worked so hard!”
There are thousands of words that can’t be fully expressed, but there is always an end.
Goodbye, my university.
September 17, 2012, 00:00:52
At Xixi Wetland Park, Hangzhou
PS:
My heart is in chaos, broken into fragments.
I wrote, deleted, deleted, and wrote again.
Saved drafts, on and off several times.
But the words still don’t flow coherently.
I really want to cry, but I also feel that I’m no longer a child.
How many four-year periods does a person have in life?
And they are four years of abundant free time, free from worries about food and clothing.
Afterward, between ideals and reality, compromises will have to be made constantly.
As we grow older, our understanding of society deepens, and as the feeling of powerlessness and paleness increases, it gradually fades away.
However, I read a paragraph that can console myself:
I understand that in this colorful and ever-changing life, everyone has their own choices. My thought is simple: there is no need for fancy clothes, no need for heavy makeup, just live earnestly, sincerely, and positively. That is my longing for authenticity.
Translated by gpt-3.5-turbo