To the Past of 2012

I was still late to realize, originally meant to summarize it on New Year’s Day, dragged on until Chinese New Year, and then until today.

Writing in 2012

For the month before Chinese New Year, I was restless and uneasy.
I don’t know if it’s because of being away from someone.
When I returned home for the New Year, looking at the snow flying in the sky, the earth covered in silver, my heart regained its tranquility.

2012 was the year when I grew the most.
Not to mention the external changes, I can no longer use the standards of a student to demand myself.

In the first half of the year, I did nothing, just read some books at home and played games.
I remember the amazing work “Treating Time as a Friend.”
It took me a month to read it, intermittently.
Afterwards, I felt that the world was different.
Perhaps from that time, I fell in love with reading.

Overcompensation

I still remember in my sophomore year when I was practicing tai chi from being rigid to becoming soft, I had a conversation with my teacher.
He said I swayed too vigorously and asked a classmate to record a video with their phone, so I could see for myself.
At that time, I was stunned, and said, I thought this was a necessary process.

Yes, this is overcompensation.

There was also back pain that I felt in high school.
That’s when I started exploring traditional medicine.
But recently, I also started feeling pain in my limbs and neck pillow.
I heard a sentence in “The Winter Wu Equation” that said, “When you become aware of his existence, it may mean there is a problem.”
Originally, I thought it was more serious, suspecting that I was close to death.
But recently, in “The Art of Learning,” I read that it might be because I just started learning tai chi and I am feeling things that I didn’t feel before.
In any case, I continue to calm down and handle everything.

A Glimpse

Sometimes it’s strange, you can notice her with just one glance in a crowd.
Even if it’s not the first glance, after a short period of time, in the vast sea of people, you will still notice this person.
Just by seeing her, you can differentiate her from the people around her.
Background, personality, occupation, hobbies, you don’t know any of it, but you can still feel that she’s special.

Last Saturday, I went to the West City Ice Rink. It was my second time ice skating in my life.
I really enjoy ice skating.
Firstly, it allows me to experience the difficulties of being an upright animal and trains my cerebellum.
Secondly, it helps me redefine balance, which should complement tai chi.
So I decided to make it a regular weekend activity.
For now, I’m still relying on friction, but I hope to use centripetal force next time.

Impatience

Everyone says this is an impatient society.

Yes, it’s the trend.
There’s a saying: When you live in an abnormal place for a long time, you will consider abnormal to be normal.

I don’t deny that I’m impatient.
I want to do everything, but I haven’t delved deep into anything.
But I’m also helpless, my broad reading and attention only started in my senior year.
What’s the use of knowing GTD?
The key is the quality of time utilization, not the quantity.
In flow - when in the state of flow, time stops for you.

Impatience is also about how to balance depth and breadth.
First, broaden, as Steve Jobs said, keep trying and discovering, in the end, you will find your interests.
In my first two years of college, I was entangled with programming, naively thinking that it would be a lifelong thing.
And I thought that as long as I became an expert, a genius, I wouldn’t have to worry about money.
I also prided myself on working for my interests, not money.
Now looking back, I was so silly and naive at that time.
During the carefree four years of college, I didn’t broaden myself, although it’s a little late now, I still have to continue doing it.

Touching

Thank you to those friends in Hefei (originally I disliked this term, but later discovered another meaning, Chinese culture is truly profound), every time I was upset, I would come to you to vent.
Thanks to those who have accompanied me through a period of time.
And that someone, when they found out that I failed five courses and didn’t get a bachelor’s degree in psychology and didn’t get into graduate school, out of helplessness, they traveled all over for a humble salary, and even consoled me when I was devastated the day before my birthday, instead of blaming me.

Three Lives Stone

The name alone sounds cool.

The first time I came across it was in “The Record of Searching for Gods”:

Lying on the Three Lives Stone, I understand my past lives and future lives. Drinking from the Worry-free Spring, I forget about love and hate.

Last time when Time Card came to Hangzhou, when I googled Hangzhou’s attractions, I suddenly discovered the Three Lives Stone.
At the end of my 22nd year, there were many things that deviated from the development I imagined.
And I realized that everything I have done may be just escapism (escaping from what?).

The most frustrating thing was that after a nap, my brain recompiled and ran everything according to what I wanted.

When I woke up, I found that I had slept deeply and felt relaxed, just like the time when Zhao told me about BL in my college years.

Then I went to look at the Three Lives Stone, not for any other reason, but because if you remove “life,” it’s my name.

Pragmatism and Freedom

I understood what true liberalism is, and understood the role of inheritance tax.

I understood that I may not have independent opinions and critical thinking, there is a huge gap between me and that.

I understood that I felt too good about myself after “The Happiness Course,” to the point of overcompensating.

I understood that I still can’t give promises to others, no matter who that person is.

I understood that in order to avoid disappointment for myself or others, I frequently choose to do nothing.

I understood that sometimes, by observing calmly, opportunities are lost.

I understood that once I’m frustrated, I will still feel upset.

But I still don’t understand, what, when, where, who, why, how.

Sometimes, I feel that everything I do is just a small play. Even if I make changes, what difference does it make? I still feel a sense of powerlessness.

Stunted pines in the deep valley, and vanished seedlings on the distant mountains.
By comparing their statures, the shade is extended hundreds of feet.

Wan says she recently discovered that as long as you work hard, you will achieve.

But my model here is that it is not necessarily achievable. At least the real result and my modeling will have a lot of differences.

Hope

Of course, I think this might be my way of absolving myself, finding a noble reason for myself.
Of course, it is more likely that what I said is wrong.
But no matter what, no matter how much I sigh, the weird 22 has passed.
Sometimes I feel like there’s a clock ticking in the alarm clock.
Whether it is a joyous observation of inner time or an understanding of the passage of time.
Indeed, time slips away like this, unable to let go of day and night.

I also know that hope doesn’t matter, whether it exists or not.
But I can’t help but hope, already on the road to the end of the third cycle.
I hope to have a breakthrough, just like the name of a game by Microsoft: The Rise of the Nation.

Translated by gpt-3.5-turbo